Even before I fell pregnant, I always felt that I’d rather have a Caesarean because the normal birth process was too painful for me to contemplate. I liked the idea that you could book in on a certain day, you would know what to expect, and there would be no surprises or agonising pain for hours or days on end. It all seemed very civilised to me.
But when I did fall pregnant, I started to think that maybe I would have a "normal" birth after all. I’d been having a good pregnancy, I hadn’t been sick, I hadn’t been overtired, and I felt fit and healthy and never really knew what morning sickness was. I really felt that I could cope with it. I started attending Power Yoga classes to prepare me mentally and physically for the big day! Corrine, my yoga instructor repeatingly said this at each session “It’s all in the mind, childbirth is not painful at all…your body will know exactly what to do” and I always feel very energised and positive after each class. I was mentally going down the path of having a conventional childbirth so it was actually quite late in my pregnancy that I finally made the decision to have a Caesar instead. Was it by choice? Yes and No, I guess……
My route to motherhood is one of the most exciting journeys of my life. If I would have to describe it in one sentence, it would be “Calm before a Storm”. For the first 34 weeks, everything was going smoothly. I was in and out of my Obstetrician’s clinic in 10 mins at almost all visits. Dr Beale will always reiterate “All is well, I am very happy with you and the bub” as he places his palm on his chest, as a sign of assurance.As I progress into my final lag of my pregnancy, things started to take a drastic turn. Almost all my results came back looking unfavourable, I has many pregnancy induced conditions, PIH, GB…etc though mild but still worrisome. I became pretty upset with myself for perhaps taking things for granted and went into a bit of a depression. My weekly 10-mins obstetrician visit now becomes a 30-mins affair on a twice weekly basis! Dr Beale was very concerned and on practically every visit, he hinted that he would require me deliver early via a Caesarean if my medical conditions worsen. So the waiting game started at week 36. My husband, Kenneth, felt that whatever delivery method was best for me and the bub, was fine with him so he supported me no matter what I chose to do. So after discussing with my obstetrician and weighing out the pros and cons, Kenneth and I decided that we will go with a selective Caesarean scheduled at week 381/2 instead of having to wait and constantly monitor each week which may result in a emergency Caesarean if things turns out the other way. To us, this is the best option for me and the baby.I had access to a good hospital, a good obstetrician, and established surgical procedures. I felt confident that nothing would go wrong. My biggest fear in the run up to the due date of the Caesarean was that the baby would come early! Aside from that, I was really relax and calm.
And yes, my biggest fear came true. On August 21st, Friday, exactly one week away from my scheduled Caesarean, I started a “bloody” show in the morning. I rang Dr Beale for advice and he told me that it was normal as I was on some medication that he has prescribed. In the same evening, I started to feel some contractions and it got really intense throughout the night. We went to the hospital to do an internal check and were told that I am in labour! Everything started to move in lightening speed, my Obstetrician was called in and a Caesar was still the medically recommended method of delivery despite that I have started dilated. Not long after, our healthy bub is being delivered safely into our arms. All is well =)
I know some people are horrified by our decision but for me it was a case of making choices that are right and at the best interest of me and my baby. I lived in a civilised Western country and, in today’s society; I can be in control of what happens to my body. I feel we chose the right option! No one came out and told me that I was not a good mother but people did ask if I’d feel upset because I would miss out on the most beautiful experience of motherhood, giving birth "naturally".
To me, the route of motherhood is a lifelong one and not based on a one-time birthing experience. DH and I are extremely overwhelmed with this new parenthood experience and we pray that our beautiful son will grow big, strong and happy each passing day.
A big Thank you to all our family, friends and relatives for all their prayers, best wishes, love, gifts, and flowers to kick start this extraordinary amazing route to parenthood.
With Love XOXO, Proud Parents of Aidan James Kwan
Born Saturday, 22 August 2009; 5.18am
Weight: 2.916 kg
Prince of Wales Hospital, Sydney
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